I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
