i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he fucked my hip out of place.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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