3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
