My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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