Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
