She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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