High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
