If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dear god my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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