Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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