first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
tell me about the eggs
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
