is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
