I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
