yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
