Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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