Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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