I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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