dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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