awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
