What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
