that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
