So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
