did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
