dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
