Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
