i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
