Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
