What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
