She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
