there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
