He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
