Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
