Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
