New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
