My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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