i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
