And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
