I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
