I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
