My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
