Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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