What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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