Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no you cant smoke seaweed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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