It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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