Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
