This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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