New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
