Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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