I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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