they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
