It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
