It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
