so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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