He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
