Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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