hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can't just leave with hair like that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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