Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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